Funerals: Why Not Do It Twice?

Islanders have been discussing the idea of living funerals on a popular local Facebook group, but what are they?

The concept has been popularised by Americans who are facing a terminal illness or who know their time is coming to an end, so they can take part in their own farewell.

It is an untraditional and albeit different approach to a funeral or wake, although the primary idea is to spend one last time with loved ones one final time and say goodbyes.

Lynsey Mallinson, a civil celebrant in Jersey, says, ultimately it is a way to celebrate life.

"Quite often, people get married for the party and the people, and I guess the funeral is the same.

Usually, after the funeral, you'll go to the wake. Why not do it with the person actually there."

'Love at First Sight', a viral Netflix rom-com, has also created more discourse around living funerals as, spoiler alert, the love interest's mother is battling a terminal illness and holds a gathering with her friends and family.

In the film, characters take turns sharing poems and performances they think she would like, but in real life, people tend to share memories and stories of the person being celebrated.

Lynsey says too often she hears families of people express they would have loved to attend their funeral.

"You typically go to a wake after the funeral, and it's quite a sombre affair, but over the course of the evening and the afternoon, so many memories are shared, people go away feeling like they've done a good farewell, and they've gathered in the spirit of the person.

But I hear all the time, 'They would have loved it'; 'If only they could have been there'; It's such a shame they missed out'; and 'They're watching over us'.

Why not actually have them there and do it twice?"

On 'Jersey Ask! Advise! Advertise!' recently, several people commented on a a post about living wakes, giving examples of ones they have attended  for friends and family.

Thought it was a great idea personally!

Sad but lovely!

It’s not weird!

I recently watched a movie, in it there was a living wake, it was very beautiful & special thing to have.

I thought it was a lovely idea!

I really wish I had done this when my dad found out he was terminal.

His funeral and wake was filled with so many wonderful memories and stories , it would’ve been fantastic if he was there to hear and share them all.

Others said people should just have parties:

Could you not just throw them a party and not call it a wake?

It's called a party.

Just organise a party with whoever you want there, and just celebrate life.

Lynsey Mallison says, as with anything new and unusual, it will not sit well with everyone, but she does believe we will see more of them.

"People are talking about it. People want different.

In the old days, you only had a funeral in a church and only got married in a church, and now you can have civil funerals and ceremonies wherever you want.

[Funerals] don't have to be in a crematorium or a church, so in a similar way, we're seeing changes with other life events.

I'm sure these will become more and more popular, and variations of it."